And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.

Decided to blog, taking my rest after drawing 4 hours straight cause I probably won't be able to sleep next Sunday + Monday trying to finish my photoshop project. If I'm done with my drawing work, I could sleep on Tuesday all night long. Why am I explaining this. Anyway. Back ache, but kinda satisfied with my drawing. Too lazy to post everything here, but this is my favourite. *Show off* *face palm* It's not bad for a first trial of pen shading. Waste my ink though.

Moving on. This day is very different from the days I had for the past 10 months? I miss you. i've been a pain in the ass lately, I know. I should learn to control my anger. I don't know what's been bothering me lately. Oh God. What could be sadder than seeing your loved one sad because of you. Okay, should stop blaming on myself.

Hi from JessieBunnyy <3

cao.

WEEK4.

It's hella fast how times go by! Alright Jess, tell me something I don't know! Now I'm talking to myself. It's already week 4 of my school. It felt so fast. Probably because of the 2 days of Chinese New Year. 2D is the most tiring subject, probably because I invest so much time on it. Thanks to my high standard of self expectation.

I'm supposed to be doing work right now, but really my brain can't function any further. I feel like I've been doing work forever and I just need to sit down, not caring so much and smile :D it's been a long time since I used that emoticon. Of course, I'm growing up, emoticons are for losers who can't express how they're feeling. Just kidding, I love emoticons.

So, this is what I've been doing for 2D. This is simply my design cover. Disgusting gross piece of cheesecake. I wish I could take time and learn photoshop and make nice covers.

I'd like to have a lucid dream, I'd take myself back to 28th March 2011 when I met this guy again and fell for him more and more each time I saw him. I loved him, I love him and I'll love him all the more. Perhaps this is what they call the Dog days are over period, where everything cools off. When, there are times you feel that your special someone somehow or somewhat makes you feel like you're not special to them just because of some stupid events. Okay, I don't like it when people uses their phone like whole damn time when he/she is with another person. And let me make it clear, person, not people. Singular, not plural. As I said before, I've been ignored by my sister, brother and my mom. Thanks to kpop, dota, ipad and work. Perhaps my boyfriend soon to 9gag and blackberry. Oh God, why am I such a egoistic person. Sometimes, these things make me wonder if I'm the one who should also drown myself into these things rather than demanding so much from them to pay attention to me. I'm no attention seeker, I just need some tender loving care. Don't judge me.

I tried books, drawing and others, but none seems to work. oh why God, why. I'm sick feeling left out.

Gotta sleep soon.

salam cherrybelle.

goodnight. I love you.

RESPECT/TIME

I seriously have to stop having this high expectation of how the orders in life should be. I hate it how I can't accept the fact that (most) Indonesians do not value punctuality and take things for granted. I am, by all means, an Indonesian too. So don't judge me thinking that I judge another country's people way of life. I spent my life in Indonesia for 12 years and growing up for another 5.5 years surrounded by Indonesians who, I suppose, think that people would understand if they are freaking late for 20 minutes because of their "vast and busy" life, or when they say "oh, I can't meet you today, another day?" when you ask them where the heck they are when you're supposed to meet at that particular time. If you can't meet the appointment, you could easily say in advance right? Don't wait until that person ask you first for confirmation. I am frustrated at how they can't respect me for already making time for them and expecting me to understand in return. What do they think? That I'm bloody available every time? No. Don't judge me. Respect my time and I'd respect your behaviour.

But, of course, I'm not trying to be a hypocrite. I am also late at times, but oh please, I'm not such a 'badass' for making another (especially when he/she is alone) for like a thousand years. There was a time too ( which still left me feeling guilty) when I was supposed to meet my boyfriend, but, because I was so bloody tired and wanted to take a 'nap' for a while, I ended up oversleeping and left my boy waiting for me. I was too engrossed in my sleep, thanks to 0 hour of sleep the day before, that I was even immuned to the phone calls and messages from him. Pfftt, feel so bad. But of course there's a thin line of difference. One without a single bit of apology and another with. I don't need so much excuses or explanation (of course I still need it, just not too much), just say sorry and next time, respect my time! They think that it's their right to be late, that it isn't wrong to cancel an appointment and that's what makes some Indonesians behind Singaporean.

Call it prejudice or exaggerated assumption, but this is what I see.

A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes.

And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand, my skin is covered with sharp spikes that'll stab you like a thousand knives. A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes."

Been a while since I last post a blog with song lyrics, nice one. Anyway, bonjour tout le monde en ma vie!

Today was concluded with a joyful time spent with my favourite pretty girl Jenny. I don't think I've ever told you guys about her, she's a new girlfriend of mine. I think I met her first exactly a year ago after Lasalle's open house. And she's been a virtual friend till school started and a close friend since then. What a blessing.

We went to Orchard today, grabbed dinner and went around. AND we got into Abercrombie & Fitch. I have to say the guys there - hotness. Okay, gross. Some guys looked sweet, to be frank. (And if my boyfriend is reading this : Don't worry beb, as I said, I still haven't found a more handsome one than you, HAHAHA). I practically smelled like I just had an affair with another guy when I went out of the store since the retailer guy was literally spraying the whole room with the perfume. Too much. I said, too much.

So, moving on, you guys must be bored of my constant words all the time, here is a little pictures of mine to entertain you guys.

I love my almost-straight brows, teehee.

Sometimes I just can't believe I still manage to do different expressions in camera even after I cry. Skill.

Today is a good day despite feeling torn for a while earlier. Won't complain much today. Bonsoir from Singapore!

RECKLESS.

I am, by far, the most reckless person I've ever known in my whole life. No, seriously. To start with, I have to list down series of events where I carelessly do things. In 2005, I lost my phone, my dearest phone after Christms. I think it was Sony Erricson S700i, like the hippest phone on earth. I still don't know why these phone companies love to give codes to phones, and I must say I have to salute handphone retailers who could remember all of those phones code. I mean, look at phones nowadays, especially blackberry. They give names to each type like Dakota, Torch, Gemini. Anyway, back to my list. In 2007, I lost my wallet(S) before and after christmas. Sad, all I wanted for Christmas was my wallets back. Sad. In 2008, I lost my wallet again after Christmas, another sad story. I manage to keep safe my stuff till now, BUT, nevertheless, I still frequently lost my ez links, keys here and there. Like, 5-6 times a year? That's a lot of times, I tell you. And my other recklessness doesn't just end there. In terms of actions, I seem to always trip myself, accidentally spilled something, dropped my phone, accidentally kicked myself like almost twice a day? Those suck my socks. Gee. And just now, I lost 10bucks because I kept it in my pocket where I took out my ez link. Urgh, it's so bothersome. I'm easily bothered by small things, yes, to be honest. 10$ bothers me much because I could have gotten a plate of waffle with a single scoop or 2 of ice cream for myself and my boy. Damn it. 10bucks, 10 freaking dollars, bother me so much. That, that, could get me 4 milk tea with pearl of Gongcha's which equal to my 1 week of bubble tea supply. That 10 dollars could give me a nice movie to watch. That 10 dollars that is equivalent to 70,000 rupiahs could get me 10 packets of RotiBoy. I'm sad, why am I so reckless. I hope my 10$ is in a better hand, haahaa.

bonsoir XX

my new year.

Hello people, how did you spend your new year's eve? I bet I still have the suckest NYE on earth. I think it's weird when you ask questions, other than the rhetorical ones on blog which does not require any answer. Like, you're supposed to talk about yourself and not caring about other people's cause it's your blog. This is my thought, don't judge me.

Oh, oh.. for those who know me by now, I suppose you know I'm not having a good day. Yes, another new year's eve sleeping but that didn't upset me since that's what I've been doing lately (for the past 4 NYE or so). This has become a ritual for a better year, you guys should try. I'm just kidding. Moving on.

Let's talk about "love" and "relationshit" (you know, cool people use that term for relationship + shit/ relationship x shit / relationship = shit, I don't know which equation describes best the term). So anyway, I had a little argument with my boyfriend. okay, may be not an argument, the word's too strong. Let's just say I had differences over our convictions. You know no matter how much girls don't admit it, they LOVE :
SURPRISES/GIFTS/FLOWERS/FETCHED OR SENT HOME BY A BOY/CHOCOLATES (except me cause I prefer gummy bears)/ETC. My brain is clogged right now.
My boy thinks that those are merely options/ things that gentlemen do, that girls demand as a must to show that he loves her. I AS A GIRL, MUST SAY THAT, I AGREE TO A CERTAIN EXTENT BUT STRONGLY OBJECT THE STATEMENT.

Of course, to be frank, I love surprises, who doesn't right? I think it's sweet when my ex sent me home each time we went out together and that he wouldn't leave my house gate until I got into my house. Or when my boyfriend gave me flowers on our 1st month together that day I was sick. And when my ex gave me a necklace even after we broke up (WTH RIGHT?WTH) Okay, enough with the example, so anyway, the logic is IF THOSE THINGS ARE NOT OPTIONS FOR PEOPLE TO DO, THEN IT WOULDN'T BE SPECIAL. RIGHT? e.g communication. Of course it's a bloody must, but a funny, romantic, loving conversation is always an option to people. Yes? no? The option itself is the one which makes it a special one. AND IT'S NEVER WRONG TO EXPECT SOMEONE YOU LOVE FOR A SPECIAL THING, ISN'T IT? OH, or may be it's wrong. :)

AND WHO SAYS I'M DEMANDING AND NOT GIVING BACK? Was planning to "surprise" my boyfriend by going back to Singapore earlier on Tuesday. BOO, surprised much? Now going back is the least I want to do.

So much for a new year.

Cooking mama.

I helped out my sister with cooking the other day when she had this cooking session with her friends who happen to come over to our house. They tried to cook spaghetti bolognese, is that how you spell that sauce? So anyway, little did I know that my sister doesn't really have much experience with cooking. Well, not that I have lots of one too, but at least I still got to cook once in a while to save some cash and well, tried to be "romantic" with my boyfriend too by cooking together. The one I had with my boyfriend, I must say, could be concluded as a total failure. We ended up feeling sick because we bought the wrong pasta and it was tasteless. It's weird cause everytime I cook for my sister, she'd complain saying that it's too salty. This one- tasteless. Ouch.

So, anyway, needless to say, I tried to give my sister a hand or two in her cooking frenzy. It was a mess again, I got my fingers a bit burnt and some other yelling from her. And then some little other argument because I was being too sensitive. I don't know why I'm so sensitive. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I seldom criticize someone's work/s so harshly since I always try to see the hard works put into it. Even if it's ugly, I won't say it is, I won't say it's nice either, but I'd try my best to tell her or him on how he can improve on it. Instead of saying "yo, that looks like some shit yo" i'd say, "hey why don't you add some colours to this?" So, no pretty little liar, no? Don't judge me. I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

Thus, therefore, soooooooo.... I'll get quite upset when people say things about my skill e.g cooking, painting, gardening, basically anything that involves quite a great deal of skill. I'm 17, I know I've been raised quite pampered by my parents and have maid to do the cooking for my hole life, well or at least some food court to eat which hinder me from cooking for myself. Saves the trouble. But, as I said earlier, now that I live on my own and that I try to save some bucks, I learn cooking. Not just lately actually, I learn cooking for some time since I was a lot younger. Curiosity kills. To date I could proudly say that I could cook things which could reassure my survival in this old world and I'm learning more. But, but, but, but, criticism and jokes get in the way. This part of my life is called : destructive criticism. Instead of telling me what I could have added or stuff, they tell me things about my cooking and makings jokes out of it and compare to GUYS' cooking. Why God why? What is my goatdamn fault that I have to be compared to guys? Is there a saying that girls must cook nicer than girls because this is supposed to be "our field" kind of thing?

I learn, fags, I say again, I learn. At least I do. I'm not cooking for my living, for now, it's barely for my survival. Or well, my bank account survival. And it's not like you're gonna stuck with my cooking for my whole life that you, you, you fags must make jokes about my cooking. That, makes me feel like I shouldn't even bother learning like some other bitches who are even proud that they can't cook for themselves, not even cooking rice. Oh yeah, may be I shouldn't even bother so that my future husband and sons and daughters would got just to et canned food or mc Donald's, what about that? Sounds like a plan? Gee, I'm so mad now I'm hungry. May be I should cook aglioolio. Oh may be not, cause it'd turn out tasteless! Ha ha, so funny. Okay enough with that sarcasm I'm not going back to my old habit.

I'm just gonna say, it's not easy to cook to y'all. It's not. Especially when you're to cook for others who have different tongue from yours. I like cooking for myself cause i think it's okay, could be improved though, and that I could tolerate with it. And, you dont know how much time I spent watching cooking tutorial in YouTube, it's sad. Sigh. Sorry for calling you fags and bitches for those who feel it's been addressed to you, but I mean it.

Teehee.